Pauline Ayyad is not afraid to tell you how she feels. “I am not doing very well,” she said recently. “The situation that we are living in is very difficult.” Pauline fears for her extended family, who have taken refuge in a church in Gaza as fighting rages between Israeli Defence Forces and the Hamas terrorist organisation.
“They are in danger,” she said. “We are talking about my father, my mother and [her] brother and his family, [as well as] two of my siblings with their families. All of them are living in one room.” Her 13 family members, including her 75-year-old parents, sleep on mattresses on the floor and struggle to find food and medicine each day. They live with the continual noise of explosions, and people have been killed nearby.
As Christians, her family members could consider escaping Gaza through Egypt, but it is simply too dangerous. She said one family that left the church was killed while trying to reach the border.
“I cannot help my family with anything,” Pauline said tearfully. “All that I can do is just pray.” Wiping tears away, Pauline said she believes prayer and the Lord’s protection are keeping her family alive.
The destruction of infrastructure and lack of electricity in Gaza have made contacting her family difficult. When Pauline does speak with them, she becomes overwhelmed by their situation. “So many times, I cannot even cook,” she said. “When I know my family doesn’t have one piece of bread, it is difficult even to cook and to see food.”
Still, Pauline has found ways to carry on, just as she did when her husband, Rami, was murdered years ago. Rami Ayyad had served as the manager of the only Christian bookshop in Gaza, which was a ministry of the Gaza Bible Society. On the evening of 7 October 2007, Rami was abducted as he left the bookshop. He managed to make one final phone call to Pauline shortly after he was kidnapped, but that was the last time she heard from him. His body was found the next morning.
Rami’s death devastated Pauline, who was pregnant at the time. She struggled with deep grief, but over several years the Lord helped her forgive those who had murdered her husband.
Pauline and her kids, 2007
Pauline has shared her journey of forgiveness at Christian conferences and in the media, and her children have heard it many times. “They grew up with a forgiveness identity,” she said of her three now-teenage children. “We are not seeking revenge. I always told them we love these people.”
After Rami’s death, Pauline and her children moved from Gaza to Israel’s West Bank. Growing up without a father has been challenging for the children, especially Pauline’s eldest child, George, who recently graduated from high school. “He felt more the death of their father because he was already almost three years old [when Rami died],” Pauline said.
George regularly acted out in anger at school, especially after seeing other students interact with their fathers. He could also be difficult at the Christian conferences where his mother regularly spoke. “I found out later that they do not enjoy [attending the conferences],” Pauline said of the children. “They don’t enjoy being around families because they feel that there is something lacking — one part of the family is lacking.”
More recently, Pauline said God has been healing her children’s hearts. “I always prayed for my children,” she said, “and God has dealt with each of them with a special touch and helped each one with their own challenges.”
George’s heart was deeply touched two years ago during a youth conference. At the event, he fully devoted his life to Christ after sensing the Lord calling him into ministry. “We could see the miracle that happened in his life, especially in his studies,” Pauline said. “His calling has made a change and [brought] a healing in his life.”
However, Pauline worries about George every time he walks out of their front door. While the West Bank is safer than Gaza, only Pauline and her two younger children, Wissam and Sama, have residency permits from the Israeli government. George, who was older and in a different legal category by the time their paperwork was processed, did not receive a West Bank residency permit. Without it, Israeli authorities could send George back to Gaza, despite the ongoing war. The Israeli government has also denied George permission to attend a Bible school abroad, which is his heart’s desire.
Pauline asked for prayer that George would receive his residency permit and permission to travel and that all of her children will walk with the Lord and fulfil His purposes for them.
She also requested prayer for the 19 widows she meets with at her local church. “There are so many challenges as I am ministering to widows,” she said. “The situation that we are living in, it is a war situation, and many of the ladies that I am serving lost their jobs. Their children lost their jobs.”
Pauline prays with the women and listens compassionately as they share their stories. “They have tears,” she said. “They have the Spirit of God touch them, and they go home a little bit encouraged.”
She acknowledges, however, that serving requires personal sacrifice. “I have an extra burden,” she said. “But I have to minister despite what I am going through. Sometimes I tell them, ‘I cannot serve you’, but I do not want to stop. When we meet, God blesses them.”
Pauline never expected to become a minister to widows, but the Lord placed them on her heart just a year after her husband was murdered. On 6 October 2008, her sister called to tell her that the husband of a childhood friend had died.
“In that moment, I put all the burden of my suffering and all my pain … on the side,” Pauline said. “I just went immediately to my friend.” During their meeting, she shared the gospel and did what she could to comfort her friend, even though Pauline was still grieving herself and was not yet ready to forgive Rami’s killers.
“I took my little children,” she recalled, “and I went to visit her; she also had small children. I didn’t know that God was preparing me for the ministry of widows.”
Pauline hopes one day to help widows in Gaza and to share with them the story of how Christ led her and her son George to forgiveness and peace.
“My faith in Christ and God has not changed,” she said. “Until today, I still believe the verse that God has given me: ‘All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called for His purposes’.”
Pauline requests that the global body of Christ pray for peace in Israel, including the West Bank and Gaza. “[Pray] that there will be a just peace and a righteous peace for all, because we need that kind of peace,” she said.
As the fighting continues and her family members in Gaza remain in danger, Pauline said she struggles at times with fear. But her worries will not prevent her from ministering to others.
“I try to put aside the situation of my family to serve those women,” she said. “Despite all the pain and all the injustices that we see around us, I trust that God has a purpose for each one of His children.”
VOM began serving Pauline in 2013.
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